Where is my Discipline?

Pamela Smith

My life with my diabetes looks pretty disciplined. All I put in my mouth will be take a road trip in my head. It goes something like this; what is my glucose level at this time, how much carbohydrate is the product I want to eat, are they slow or fast carbohydrates, how much insulin is still in my system (insulin is about three hours working), what am I going to do later (if I going to move I need less insulin than when I’m on the couch), how much insulin I’m spraying. I’m not even talking about variables such as stress, heat, cold and fatigue. In addition to these “mill” it is important for me to make healthy choices to minimize glucose peaks and troughs. That means eating low carbohydrate, three times a week 45 minutes running.

All these choices do not always give me the guarantee of good glucose levels. So recently I took the train to work. That morning my glucose inexplicably high. Even after a few repair work my glucose didn’t come down. After hours of waiting, I had already gotten considerable hungry on a sinking glucose. In my bag was a brown leaf of bread with goat cheese. With mixed feelings I started anyway careful to eat my delicious scoop, knowing that my glucose would still rise more. What I was upset that I just that morning had not had time to make a salad on the go. Meanwhile right in front of me a boy with plugs in his ears, took his lunch out, a big bag of wine gums! Within half an hour he had eaten the whole bag of wine gums mindlessly worked inside. I want that too!

Discipline has become my lifestyle. Healthy eating and exercise. But I could not muster anything after I walked a marathon once. After thise top performance, I have not moved more than a month and ate a lot (carbohydrates). In no time I ate so much bread, crackers, cookies, cakes, sandwiches, crackers, chips, pasta, rice and potatoes, and I picked up the car for every errand. Apparently I was so exhausted that I could not bring to make healthy choices for myself. Besides, I had earned a timeout for myself. What a wonderful life! Nothing to think about and just do what you feel at that moment. The measurement of glucose, I had my minimized to about three times a day. And the indication of my meter didn’t make me very happy.

After four weeks I picked up the thread. Actually, it went without saying. I have energy again for running, grab the bike when I feel like to exercise or even get a green salad I can enjoy life again. Good for my diabetes care means disciplined care of my body, but occasionally listen to my feeling that sometimes requires letting go of my discipline here.

Love Pamela